The Holidays or Healing?
- Dec 4, 2017
- 3 min read
The Holidays or Healing? Both are very important parts of life. Spending time with family is typically an important part of the Holidays, while taking time to yourself to heal and cope after a separation is important as well. Should you feel guilty choosing one over the other?
No matter when your separation took place throughout the year, the Holidays are sure to be a time of sadness and troubles as you are faced with memories, reiterating to those distant relatives that you are indeed single again, and possibly the desire to have your ex with you. If you are one of the unlucky one's like me your separation happened shortly before the Holiday season began. I have found myself unable to heal before the holidays have arrived but in the midst of it all I did learn the following:
1) Put yourself first. As much as your family means to you and as much as you need to make sure you don't crawl into a hole, even during the Holidays you need to be sure to put yourself first. If you don't feel like attending a Christmas event, do not for a second feel bad about it. I skipped Thanksgiving. I was obviously invited home to my parents and I was invited to several friends for the Holiday but I skipped all of them. I know they all wished I was there but I also knew they would forgive me for that Thanksgiving I missed. Where I was at I felt like being around a lot of people would just make everything more difficult for me. I didn't want the questions or the looks of sympathy. I just wanted solitude and with the house to myself I was able to binge watch Netflix with my pup and finally REALLY begin the moving on process - packing.
2) Family knows you best. Before you ever tell your family (or close friends) that you are skipping a Holiday event they probably already suspect it. They know you best and know what you are going thru. They WANT you to do what you need to without feeling guilty. As much as they want you there, they want you happy more.
3.) You need a balance. As mentioned previously, if you decide to skip a Holiday event just make sure you don't crawl in a hole. That hole will become very lonely and empty and in the process you will lose friends. Be sure to get out of your house and do things for yourself. Meet up with friends. Have dinner with family. These things too will help you heal.
4.) It will be hard. No matter what you do, events you attend, or people you talk to, the whole process will be hard. You will have good days and bad. You will have moments that you think about them. It will cross your mind that maybe just one more chance will get it right but in the end. You will struggle. You will cry. You will have memories. Just don't take those days for granted as they are part of the process.
5.) Don't say "no" until it is time. If you are debating skipping a Holiday event or anything for that matter, I would recommend not saying "no" until the last possible moment, a few hours before. If you are planning ahead and saying no, you will never give yourself a chance to get out of your pj's and out of the house. Let yourself have time to truly make the decision. Now if it is plans that would leave someone out of money or it would be a burden on them if you passed just a few hours before then don't go there but always give yourself time to decide until the last moment an answer is needed.
As each day passes, the Holiday season will pass and you will be one day closer to being healed and moving on. Always decide what you feel is best at any given time.
You too will make it thru this hard time! I am.
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