It is not "his loss," so stop telling your friends that!
- Nov 27, 2017
- 2 min read
Three years in, you have talked about marriage, kids, and buying a home. Everything seems on track and you truly love your man. You have helped raise his two daughters since nearly day one. You are a family and you love providing for your family. He is, in your mind, the one you plan to build a life with but he has different plans.
Four years in and he has decided he is no longer happy and doesn't want the responsibility of a relationship. Completely blindsides you. The world you thought you had is no longer there and being taken away piece by piece. In the mess, you hold it together the best you can and try to move forward, rebuilding your life as a single woman without kids or family.
You begin to turn to your friends to talk and feel like you belong again. Trying to rebuild purpose for yourself. Some days are long and exhausting while others you feel on top of the world. In reaching out to your friends and letting each of them know they try to give comfort and let you know that everything will be okay. Friend after friend, person after person says the words "It's his loss." The worst words a person could say in my opinion to someone going thru a break-up.
I get the point behind those words, the fact that they are trying to lift your spirits and help you feel better about what is happening but do your friends a favor and stop saying anything about it being "his loss"! As kind as the words sound and as helpful to her self-esteem you think they are, that statement just tears her down inside. Here is why:
If it was his loss he wouldn't have left. He would be upset about it all. He wouldn't be able to just move on with his life without looking back. I wouldn't be the only one crying over everything. If it was his loss I wouldn't be the only one struggling in the process or the only one holding onto the thread of what was, hoping he will change his mind.
As much as you think those words help, don't say them. I didn't realize until now how much those words can kill someone inside. As I hear them each time from someone I get upset, being reminded it is not his loss but mine. And the reminder always comes in the middle of me just trying to live my new life and not think about him. As much as I wish he would see it as his loss, he doesn't, so hearing it just brings pain and frustration for me when I'd rather be having fun with my friends.
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